In which Patrick contemplates homebrew over breakfast
A brief warning: I don’t think WordPress allows multi-page entries, so this could take a couple minutes to load, depending on your connection. That said, and without further ado, I present to you…the things which happen when me and Patrick decide it would be a good idea to go into a homebrew shop, and come out carrying a 25l fermenting bin and an assortment of miscellaneous equipment. Bon appetit!
'this isn't catfood. Get it out of my box.'
Meanwhile, I pose like a right prat. As I do.
These is the Mystic Instructions List, from the all-knowing sage 'Dude at the Shop.' It is to be our guide on the journey to come.
Here is SOME of the equipment...
...and here is the rest!
And here is the hydrometer! No, me neither
Patrick 'Domestic Goddess' Darley, in the Grey Dressing Gown of Doooooom
Immediate followed by the first of many costume changes. SUCH a diva.
Aran takes a photo of a teaspoon. Why does he do this? Nobody knows!
Thankfully, Gareth appears to restore the Grey Dressing Gown of Dooooom quotient
Problem: The beer kit needs to sit in warm water, but the plug doesn't work. OEH NOES!
Hooray for bucket! Problem solved.
What the hell is a hydrometer? Friendly old men on YouTube will know!
Operation STERILISE THE UNHOLY CRAP OUT OF EVERYTHING will shortly commence.
OPeration STERILISE THE UNHOLY CRAP OUT OF EVERYTHING is underway!
Giving Gareth the camera allows me to appear in my own blog. Vanity will be my undoing.
Hnnnng. Hnnnnnnnng. HNNNNNNNNNGGG.
STERILISE THE UNHOLY CRAP OUT OF THE BUCKET!
STERILISE THE UNHOLY CRAP OUT OF THE LID!
STERILI-- oops, no, wait. That's a kitty.
STERILISE THE UNHOLY CRAP OUT OF THE FIDGETY LITTLE AIRLOCK DOOHICKEY!
This is my favourite picture.
Some pictures speak a thousand words. Others don't NEED to.
Bored with our silly antics, Gareth photographs his feet.
And Chloe wants to come join in the fun.
STERILISE THE UNHOLY CRAP OUT OF THE CAN OPENER. We may be taking this a little too far.
Before beer is beer, it is REALLY GLOOPY. And smells of Marmite.
Really, REALLLLLY gloopy!
Oh my word look at how gloopy that is OH MY WORD
Shoop da gloop.
Gloop in a bucket. Doesn't really look...SWEET enough, does it...?
YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN' IT DOESNAE!
Now to stir that sticky mess up good. (n.b., all this time we are checking Dude from the Shop's instructions about....five times a minute.)
Gareth puts on a brew.
A GLOOP brew!
...top that up with some tasty bath water... “]
..and it's beginning to look a lot like beeee-errrrrrr :)
THIS is a hydrometer, uh, hydrometing, presumably.
Ommmmm nom nom nom nom nom nom
Time for the yeast to go in. It's a bit like bread. But beerier.
And it's barrelled up good! Consider this End of Part One.
At this point, the ol’ Yorkshire Bitter had to sit by itself for ‘around a week’ — but probably due to the low temperature of our draughty, top-floor, Scottish bathroom, after a week the hydro still showed a reading of not-quite-there. As a result, it was slightly over two weeks before we finally got moving again. Start of Part Two!
In the meantime, some EPIC bottle collecting had been going down.
STERILISE MORE. MOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR
Another costume change! It's like a Madonna gig, but with more...Patrick.
What a bucket of Marmitey water looks like after two weeks of neglect.
Aran takes more pictures of teaspoons! Sponsored by Tate and Lyle.
Don't talk to me about taking the labels off bottles. I've repressed the memories, and would like it to stay that way.
STERILISE THE UNHOLY CRAP OUT OF EVERYTHING ... AGAIN! Sterilisey stuff is really slimey.
2 bottles sterilised. 48 to go.
Your eyes do not deceive you. That is yet another shirt.
Georgine pokes her head in. Georgine has DEMON EYES.
FIrst you sterilise 50 bottles. Then you rinse 50 bottles. Then you prime 50 bottles with a half teaspoon of sugar. This takes a WHILE.
Gareth appears again, right when he's most needed. Check out our awesome bottle-capping device.
Using this thing makes you feel like a real man.
That's actual beer! Actual beer made by us!
The excitement is palpable. Palp, palp.
In fact, Patrick just can't contain himself.
Al. Most. There.
AND THAT'S IT! 40 Pints of scrumptious Yorkshire Bitter, just needing to sit for a couple of weeks before being tentatively sipped. And when I say 'scrumptious', I'm being wildly optimistic.
Thanks for reading! (As I noted once before, I really don’t say that enough. A more word-based life-update type blog will be appearing here shortly)
Yours in brew,